“It is… positive, Aravind”.
Sheetal, then my wife of one month, looked at me. Her large, beautiful eyes were filled with disbelief. Neither of us could believe she had conceived – while she had been on birth-control pills. Two positive pregnancy tests in a row had blown away any bits of doubt, like a gust of wind blows paper bits off the road.
For many couples, conception is thrilling, but sadly it was not so for us. I was yet to earn a stable income in my freelance work. She was not yet working. We had planned to not try to have children until two years into marriage so that we could build a stable family life.
Obviously God had considered our plans. Then He had trashed them with no warning.
I can’t remember everything; I was gulping down tension like a thirsty man. Questions ran, like the superhero Flash does, in my head :
“Where will the extra money come from?”
“In THIS house?”
“Good-bye to all my alternate career plans, Jesus?”
“Sheetal is not ready for this, Lord!”
We both were convinced that a foetus with human features was human.. but aborting a mere cell can’t be wrong, right?
“Aravind, can we abort this?” Sheetal asked. “Maybe its still just a cell. Not yet developed..”.
“I don’t know baby.. we can’t kill it if it already has a soul.”
We lacked knowledge (or did we?) and I didn’t want to take hasty decisions. Soon I had explained the situation over the phone to a dear brother from our church family. “Bro, I know that conception means life.” I said on the phone. “But does the Bible agree with “while it’s a cell, it can be aborted?”
I waited for his response with bated breath. He was a dear friend to both my wife and I. We had shared so many times of joy and sadness with him and his family. God had blessed him with wisdom and he loved Jesus and the truth. So even if it hurt me, he would tell me whatever he knew to be true.
He paused and then gently said something like this – “Uh, the Bible makes no distinction between life in the womb and life outside. If a woman has conceived, then that is because God has placed life there, from Day 1”.
I was falling into it. I turned and told Sheetal.
She took it.
But we both thankfully accepted the truth. I would take days to overcome anxious thoughts and replace Jesus as the one in total control, not me.
My wife would spend the next 4-5 months, struggling with God’s decision to place life in her.
In hindsight, we had considered using a despicable chemical weapon called “the pill” to murder someone God had given us as an undeserving gift. Some people have the grace to view children as a sweet joy.
Cocooned in selfishness, we were ready to deny someone else life, in order to live a comfortable life. Could sin be defined more clearly?
So deeply did we feel entitled to have a choice, that God had to implode our cocoons with His truth, before we could use chemical weapons to take the life of our child.
This baby had survived evil. She will be ready to experience the gift of birth, God willing, in a few months from now.
1. If you have ever aborted your own children and are feeling guilty now, please know- we are not better than you. I have only shared this experience to prepare other couples for such eventualities. Please share this blog with your friends. You and I are equally sinners before God, and we love you to bits.
Please write in with your thoughts. As long as Jesus was crucified for our sins, repent and believe- God is not done with us!
2. A three-episode series on fetal surgery reveals what the Bible has been clear about: life in the womb is real life (Ps 139: 13,14).