You don’t live in a culture that bludgeons men and women to death for speaking with the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with?
This post is for those looking for a woman who shares their faith in Jesus; a woman you love communicating and spending time with, someone who stuns you with her adoration for God, her beauty, wisdom and her concern for both His church and non-Christian friends.
Someone to marry .. someone who will fall in love with you for the rest of your life!
You could find her in your church community, or maybe through your parents, maybe through spiritual mentors who are scanning radar and horizon on your behalf, even on Facebook (!!!).
But surely, finding a woman of the aforementioned kind is a task easily embarked upon, but seldom quickly achieved. Of course, we need to pray and seek God’s choice to be sent our way. But how should young men prepare themselves, while praying and waiting?
Is there a way young men can respect the sensibilities of an eligible godly woman, and use common sense that easily evades our species, to help the lady to get to know them better?
Thank God there are! Here are six tips that should come handy –
1. Eliminate your body odour. Before we get to “Excellent at Expository Preaching”, we need to consider this. No woman will come hither to look into your Bible, if your aroma doesn’t permit them. Let’s be nice to women (and other people) around us!
Nobody is expecting you to pour two buckets of expensive nard or Armani perfume on yourself daily. Just don’t assume that ignoring your body odour won’t have social consequences. The same goes for clean palms and fingers. You might want to ask someone honest enough to help you out here.
2. Talking about yourself most of the time, is a turn-off. Women may not prefer men who talk about themselves mostly and display their achievements all over the place. My job, my coding skills, my blog, my new bike – yiggidi yaggidi, blah blah.
When was the last time you were genuinely interested in what she does?
Or her colleagues? Or in listening to her grandmother’s life-story? Ever noticed something nice about a fellow sister? Ever gave her a good, respectful compliment?
Not fun enough for you? Well, marriage is less about fun, and more about holiness and service.
Your potential life-partner is first, a dear fellow sister in Christ. Hopefully, you will follow the command to the Philippian church (Phil 2:3-4), even with her.
Caution : This is no excuse for unwise emotional involvement or crude, sinful talk with any woman. That’s a turn-off and sin in the eyes of Jesus.
3. “Look How Macho I Am” won’t help. This is just one manifestation of the Unholy Trinity (I, Me, Myself). So, you consumed 3 kilograms of chicken and went on a 4-hour work-out? Some might think that “awe-inspiring”. It could mean zilch to our lady concerned (and to God, by the way).
No one is saying regular exercise is wrong, please. But being macho is not a magic spell by which ladies swoon into your arms. Sensible women know far better than to fall for just that. The way to your marriage is not primarily through a gym. Be confident that God doesn’t require you to become a mini-Schwarzenegger to impress a woman.
4. The “Fake Accent & Brand Factory” obstacle. Mankind is not known for faking things for too long without being exposed. Ask any news channel.
Fake English accents are usually spotted a mile away. Did God give you a Telugu or a Bihari accent? Praise God! If your work demands it, get your English communication skills better. But hopefully you realize such trivial stuff is not what eternal life is all about! If some people laugh at your accent, that’s their folly and prejudice. To assume that women will be attracted to your fake Western accent would be even more foolish.
Same with wearing branded clothes. It’s not just God who is looking at your heart. Godly women try to discern your character, more than what brand of jeans you wear. Moreover, being foolish in how you spend could ring the mental alarm bells for any woman looking for a stable financial future, which is part of us men managing our households well.
Character is a better predictor of marital satisfaction than compatibility.
5. Women don’t need us to control their lives. How would you like it, if your parents chose your friends for you, your clothes for you, your hair-style and your career path, when you are 20-something?
Stifling, that’s right. But just like we gentlemen did, the ladies too have managed to cross into adulthood! They can choose for themselves, can you believe it?!
Do we dunk them into our advice-bucket ALL the time?
Are we able to stay with them while they make decisions, both right and wrong ones?
Do we think we need to be in control? Or is God not in control over your potential partner’s life?
As men, we need to let go of the desire to win all the debates. We will have to helplessly ask God the Holy Spirit to help us reason with ladies, and be gentle enough to not order them around. You have hopefully seen examples in your church family of husbands who don’t get legalistic with their wives and yet speak the truth in love. Let’s follow such examples!
6. A woman needs a man who loves Jesus and His purpose in life. Jesus’ purpose in life was to honour and obey God the Father. So, He atoned for God’s people, gathered them and built the church as one body.
But let’s not show-case our “spirituality” with wrong motives. That’s usually pride, which God hates.
Do we men truly love Jesus? Is our devotion to Him deeper than our commitment to my future life-partner? Are we wasting our lives for Him?
Whether women see this or not, let us love God dearly for paying for our unforgivable deeds and giving us a new life and the crazy promise that we can live like Jesus did. Today.
Women, like men, also need to see the central nature of the church in God’s work of redeeming lost lives.
Are we an example in building up other believers in the local church? Or is our lives mostly outside of His plans and purposes?
Your marital mission is to make it as easy as possible for your spouse to look like, live for, and show others Jesus.
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The example the husband sets has eternal consequences. This means headship is more about controlling one’s character than controlling one’s wife. The man who is more concerned with how his wife should obey him than with how he should obey God fails the kindergarten of biblical headship – Bryan Chappell, Each for the Other (p. 78).